The Axeman cometh...

"Tory proposals may result in delicate operations being performed by a crazed axeman rather than by a doctor," warn experts.

Acid Rabbi Poll Results - The ConLib Coalition

Politics fans might want to sit down before reading on, because hot on the heels of the General Election comes... drum roll... the results of the Acid Rabbi poll! And as if that wasn't enough excitement, it seems the whole nation has gone utterly election crazy because we had a record response to this one: an amazing nine - yes, nine - people took the time to let us know what they thought of the Liberal Democrat/Conservative coalition.

As you can see, just 22% of those who took part believe the coalition to be a good thing with the same amount reckoning it to be bad. But 55% - a figure sufficient to dissolve Parliament even if Dave and Nick get their way - think it's terrible. Whether you agree with first-past-the-post or proportional representation, those numbers speak for themselves: most people, among those who voted and whatever their political allegiances, do not support the coalition.

Now, if we assume nine people is a sufficient number to be indicative of the nation as a whole we'll probably have to factor in some space for statistical error (space equal to the size of the Gulf of Mexico oil slick ought to do it); but we're probably at least relatively safe in assuming that if 55% of nine people do not support something, it's unlikely that 100% of 57 people will support it - thus, it seems a little odd that this is the level of support the coalition achieved among LibDem MPs. This suggests any of three factors: one, they're all too scared to stand up for themselves; two, they've ignored the thoughts and fears of party councillors, activists and voters; three, they know something we don't, which was kept from us by the secrecy surrounding the coalition negotiations.

Result of one is the Tories are going to eat them alive and the LibDems risk vanishing forever; result of two is the LibDem-voting electorate become angry and take their support elsewhere which, as Tory-hating supporters are already jumping ship and joining Labour may well result in the LibDems vanishing forever; result of three is the LibDem councillors, activists and voters become very angry and demand Nick Clegg's head, causing the party to lose the most charismatic leader it's had in decades, face further years in the wilderness and risk vanishing forever - though if three is the case, the party will probably get away with it just so long as the last week's success doesn't prove to be a honeymoon and married life continues to be bliss from a LibDem point of view.

Only time will tell.

Anyway, time for a new poll. Who do you think will be the next Labour leader?

Does the 55% Rule rule out democracy?

With everything that's been going on this week in the wake of the election and the Cameron/Clegg marriage, the proposed 55% rule hasn't had even half the impact it would at any other time. However, it's certainly sent waves through Parliament, with even veteran MP Richard Ottaway, a prospective chair of the powerful Tory 1922 Committee, entering the row by warning the move could end the "primacy of Parliament."

The happy couple...but for how long?

(Image credit: Daily Telegraph)

In short, the rule will mean that for Parliament to be dissolved prior to the end of the newly fixed five year terms, at least 55% of MPs must vote in favour, rather than 51% as has previously been the case. David Cameron agreed the rule with his new Liberal Democrat friends to reassure them that his party will not back out of the coalition deal should his party achieve opinion poll success and call a General Election safe in the knowledge that the Conservatives could gain sufficient MPs to form a majority.

You might be thinking that this seems unusually altruistic, and you'd be correct: from Cameron's point of view, it also has the valuable side-effect of meaning that, should the coalition fail - as many supporters and activists of both parties believe it ultimately will, with many MPs in all likelihood secretly thinking the same thing - it means that the opposition, be it Labour or a future Labour-LibDem coalition, would find it very difficult to garner enough support to call for Parliament to be dissolved prior to the end of the five year term. This means that, should the pact fail, the Conservatives would be able to continue as the ruling party even without a majority - almost a guarantee that they could stay in power despite their failure to win last week's election.

Christopher Chope, Conservative MP for Southampton Itchen between 1983 and 1992 and Christchurch since 1997, warns: "If the present government was to lose its majority in Parliament and wasn't able to operate as a minority government because it didn't enjoy the confidence of a sufficient number of MPs, then what is being suggested is that it would carry on."

"It is not the duty of Parliament to prop up this coalition," says Charles Walker, the Tory MP for Broxbourne in Hertfordshire (really nice Chinese restaurant called Sky City at the Tower Centre by the way, folks). He continues, "This is a matter of convenience, because clearly the leader of our party, David Cameron, wants a five year Parliament and the Liberal Democrats want fixed terms and they don't want there to be a General Election along the way. But if Parliament and the nation lose confidence in this coalition government, there should be a General Election, whether that is in two years or three years or four years."

Richard Ottaway, who like Mr. Chope has had a break from Parliament for just five years since 1983 after he lost his Nottingham North seat to Labour before winning Croydon South in 1992, calls the rule "constitutionally incoherent."

Cameron, naturally, defends the concept, claiming to be "the first Prime Minister in British history to give up the right unilaterally to ask the Queen to dissolve Parliament. This is a big change on our system, it is a big giving-up of power."

Is Cameron one of the many who privately expects the coalition to fail? You can choose to believe he's doing this to give more power to MPs of all parties and to reassure the LibDems or you can choose to believe that he's seeking a way in which he can guarantee himself a full five year term even if the nation wants him and his party out of power, but you'd have to be a very committed DavCam fan indeed if you didn't think he had a bigger smile on his smug face when Nick Clegg put this one on the debating table than he does when his butler whips the cloche off a silver platter piled high with lobsters, white truffles and Beluga.

Stunning new astronomy images

NtASA have published stunning new photographs showing the moment that, using its enormous gravitational pull, the vast M27/NGC 6835 galaxy ("The Oak") strips countless stars from the M64/NGC 4826 dwarf galaxy ("The Yellowbird") that orbits it, incorporating them into its own mass. Astronomers believe that, in time, the larger body will completely absorb its tiny neighbour.

The Beautiful Yellow Bird - A Cautionary Tale for New MPs

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful yellow bird. Her name was Liberal Democracy and many of those who saw her said she was the most beautiful bird in the land.

But the beautiful yellow bird was unhappy, for no matter where she looked she just couldn't find anywhere to build herself a safe and cosy nest. For years, she flew this way and that but to no avail. Finally, she gave up. "Oh," she cried, "How will I ever build a nest so I can lay my eggs and hatch more beautiful yellow birds?"

Then, one day, she came across a mighty oak tree. The oak tree was tall and stout. She flew thrice around the tree, admiring its many green leaves and strong boughs.

"Perhaps, after all this time, I've found the perfect place to build my nest!" the beautiful yellow bird exclaimed. "This mighty oak tree looks so strong, I'm certain it could weather any storm and keep my nest safe and sound!"

Then the beautiful yellow bird heard a voice: "Why, you're such a beautiful yellow bird that I'd be honoured if you would build your nest among my boughs. We could keep each other company in the storms - sometimes the wind blows so hard that even I feel afraid. I'd look after your eggs and help you hatch them out!"

The beautiful yellow bird was astounded to hear the tree speak to her, but she felt so relieved to have found the perfect place after so long that she flew straight to the tree and perched high up among its leaves.

Soon the beautiful yellow bird set to work, gathering lots of twigs and pieces of soft moss, and she built a safe and cosy nest among the strong boughs of the mighty oak tree. It was such a lovely nest that she felt secure and comfortable, so it was not long until...

...she laid three eggs! Would you like to count them? 1...2...3!

Within a few weeks, the eggs hatched in lovely little yellow fluffy chicks and the beautiful yellow bird tended to them, feeding then every day in the hope that they would grow up to be big and strong. When they were old enough, she asked them what they wanted to do when they left the nest and how they would bring joy to all who saw them, just as she had done.

"I want to make the world a better place," said the first chick, "by introducing a way that means when we decide who shall be our next ruler, we choose the one that most people want."

"I want to make the world a better place," said the second chick, "by introducing a way that means that the rich people have to pay more taxes than the poor people."

"I want to make the world a better place," said the third chick, "by teaching people that it's wrong to throw their rubbish into the fields and rivers so that the land doesn't become poisoned."

The beautiful yellow bird was proud of her chicks and she hoped that the day would come when they would be able to realise their ambitions and make the land a happier place for everyone. But then, all of a sudden, she heard a strange rustling noise coming from among the mighty oak tree's leaves.

"Oh! Whoever could it be?" she cried, wondering who else could be in the mighty oak tree. "I do hope it's some visitor, come to admire my chicks!"

But it was not a visitor come to admire her chicks. With dismay, the beautiful yellow bird saw that it was four of the greediest, fattest cats she had ever seen.

"Ha ha! We tricked you, beautiful yellow bird," said the greedy fat cats. "We made you think the oak tree welcomed you and your chicks, but it was us all along! Trees can't talk!"

With that, three of the greedy fat cats pounced upon the chicks and ate them all up, before the greediest, fattest cat of them all caught the beautiful yellow bird in his razor-sharp claws and chewed her into little pieces, eating them in turn until there was nothing left of her.

The chicks never did get to do the wonderful things they had promised their mother, and never again was such a beautiful yellow bird seen flying over the land.

The End.

Results of the LibDem/Tory pact

Messrs. Cameron and Clegg in a breakfast meeting at the Conservative Party HQ, one summer morning a couple of months after forming a coalition in the wake of the 2010 General Election.