Leadership Contest and A New Poll

Labour's leadership contest is hotting up faster than the weather, though things may cool off with regard to both by the bank holiday weekend. The long range forecast indicates we're in for a long, hot summer of infighting followed by an announcement either very shortly before or during the party conference in September.

We're in for along, hot summer of Labour infighting - who'll be the first to feel the flames?

As a result, our latest poll - created just last week - was beginning to look distinctly elderly as various seemingly sure-fire contenders have backed away and other surprise candidates have stepped up to the mark so we've created a new, up to date version which can be seen on the left of the page. If you've already voted, you can now vote again and either stick with your previous choice or go with one of the new names - we'll keep tabs on total votes and see who looks favourite among readers in a few weeks, even if the list needs further updates.

Acid Rabbi Poll Results - The ConLib Coalition

Politics fans might want to sit down before reading on, because hot on the heels of the General Election comes... drum roll... the results of the Acid Rabbi poll! And as if that wasn't enough excitement, it seems the whole nation has gone utterly election crazy because we had a record response to this one: an amazing nine - yes, nine - people took the time to let us know what they thought of the Liberal Democrat/Conservative coalition.

As you can see, just 22% of those who took part believe the coalition to be a good thing with the same amount reckoning it to be bad. But 55% - a figure sufficient to dissolve Parliament even if Dave and Nick get their way - think it's terrible. Whether you agree with first-past-the-post or proportional representation, those numbers speak for themselves: most people, among those who voted and whatever their political allegiances, do not support the coalition.

Now, if we assume nine people is a sufficient number to be indicative of the nation as a whole we'll probably have to factor in some space for statistical error (space equal to the size of the Gulf of Mexico oil slick ought to do it); but we're probably at least relatively safe in assuming that if 55% of nine people do not support something, it's unlikely that 100% of 57 people will support it - thus, it seems a little odd that this is the level of support the coalition achieved among LibDem MPs. This suggests any of three factors: one, they're all too scared to stand up for themselves; two, they've ignored the thoughts and fears of party councillors, activists and voters; three, they know something we don't, which was kept from us by the secrecy surrounding the coalition negotiations.

Result of one is the Tories are going to eat them alive and the LibDems risk vanishing forever; result of two is the LibDem-voting electorate become angry and take their support elsewhere which, as Tory-hating supporters are already jumping ship and joining Labour may well result in the LibDems vanishing forever; result of three is the LibDem councillors, activists and voters become very angry and demand Nick Clegg's head, causing the party to lose the most charismatic leader it's had in decades, face further years in the wilderness and risk vanishing forever - though if three is the case, the party will probably get away with it just so long as the last week's success doesn't prove to be a honeymoon and married life continues to be bliss from a LibDem point of view.

Only time will tell.

Anyway, time for a new poll. Who do you think will be the next Labour leader?

Results in!

Yes folks, it's the moment you've been waiting for - the results of the latest Acid Rabbi poll are in, and an amazing five people took the time to vote so you can bet your own grandmother this will tell you something truly meaningful about popular opinion in Britain today!

We asked:

"Is David Cameron...

A: An honest man who will do his best for Britain?

B: A transparent ballot-whore who will say anything if he thinks there's a vote in it?

C: A sort of cross between an arse and a potato?"

Answer A received a grand total of no votes at all, leading us to believe that - unsurprisingly - no Tories read Acid Rabbi. Answer B got 80% - four votes, which suggests not everyone's taken in by the shameless liar. Answer C - our choice - scored 40%, two votes, due to the fact that we allowed people to vote twice and made the results pretty much useless as a result.

How will you vote on May the 6th?

Ah well - let's hope the vote on May the 6th isn't too different. Even another Labour term has to be better than DavCam and his gang. Anyway - now vote in our new poll: How do you intend to vote int he General Election - Conservative, Labour, LibDem, Green, UKIP, Fascist Scumbag Party (also known as the BNP) or by writing "Fuck Off" on a brick and chucking it through a House of Commons window?

Results of our latest poll...

In the latest Acid Rabbi poll, we asked our readers :"If the BNP's Nick Griffin and Andrew Brons had a race off the top of a skyscraper, who would win?" Possible answers were A: Nick Griffin, B: Andrew Brons or C: Society.

100% of our readers agree that, if the BNP "politicians" (read: hate-filled neo-Nazi scum) Andrew Brons (left) and Nick Griffin (right) had a race to their deaths, Society would be the overall winner.

100% of those who took the time to vote - a whole 15 people - agree that, were such an event to take place (and let's hope that it one day does), Society would be the winner. It's worth remembering, however, that BNP voters may have felt that as fascists they couldn't take place since they don't believe in free votes and instead are of the opinion that violence and intimidation are a far better way to go about organising stuff.

Poll Results

We created a poll asking how readers were planning to vote come the next General Election. The choices were as follows:

A. Conservative

B. Labour

C. Liberal Democrat

D. By writing "Fuck Off" on a brick and chucking it through a House of Commons window.

Labour received a total of zero votes, closely mirroring their performance in the local and European elections that took place at the beginning of June. The LibDems also received none, possibly because most LibDem voters only read the Guardian and don't have time for blogs such as Acid Rabbi in between doing that and shopping in Waitrose. We didn't bother including the BNP for the simple reason that few BNP voters are likely to bother reading a blog called Acid Rabbi, and anyway few of them have the mental capacity to use a computer. We also ignored UKIP because, well, we find that's the best thing to do with them.

The Conservatives were awarded 14% of the total vote, which translates as a stunning 2 votes, whereas option D - writing "Fuck Off" on a brick and throwing it through a Commons window - was by far th most popular with an incredible 85%, a whole 12 votes.

Unfortunately - and tempting as it may be - were anyone to actually do this, the brick would not count as a vote, even though if everyone in the UK who would have chosen this option had they have seen the poll were to do it during a well-attended debate it would most certainly get noticed and the protest it represented would be hard to ignore. It'd also almost certainly attract the attention of riot police with tear gas and dogs and result in mass arrests, of course.

Maybe, as an alternative, ballot papers need a "None of the above" section? In the meantime, it looks like the Tories are in the lead.