Acid Rabbi predicts the future!

Obviously, we have no truck with that sort of thing being the good Jewish types that we are, but nevertheless we do wonder if our publication of this image (below) over a year ago might be enough to win us the Randi prize. Or perhaps not - since Elliot Morley was possibly the MP to most shamelessly rip us all off (to the tune of £30,428) as though his role earned him the right to let us pay his mortgage for him it seemed pretty obvious to those of us who, despite piles of evidence to the contrary, still believe that there is justice in this world that sooner or later the ex-MP for Scunthorpe was going to find himself behind bars.

Morley in the nick. Looks like it's really gonna happen, folks! Really, we couldn't wish it upon a nicer bloke.

Four MPs face criminal charges

Disappointingly, only four MPs face charges over their dodgy expenses claims - however, four is better than none, which is how many Acid Rabbi was predicting would find themselves subject to possible prosecution. It remains to be seen whether or not, if you happen to earn a basic salary of very nearly £65,000 a year and have a seat in Parliament, punishment will take the same form - each of the errant Members could face up to seven years in the nick if found guilty. Note the could - though not given to placing bets, we're willing to put at least a quid on none of them getting anything like that.

It's been a while since we last had a look at Elliot Morley, the MP for Scunthorpe, who finds himself subject to two counts of dishonestly claiming expenses (which is legalese for "being shamelessly on the fiddle"). The first alleges that, between 2004 and 2006, he falsely claimed an extra £14,428 on his mortgage allowance and the second that between 2006 and 2007 he had a further £16,000 on the same property . What do you think would happen to you if you were found to have claimed nearly thirty and a half grand you were not entitled to in Housing Benefit? Prison, in all likelihood, or at the very least you'd be ordered to repay the lot and complete a hundred hours or so of community service - which would be precisely what you deserved. Not the slap on the wrist that Morley's probably going to get. To be fair, he'd be asked to resign too - but he's been planning to step down at the next election anyway.

Elliot Morley faces prosecution over the £30,428 he allegedly dishonestly claimed to cover his mortgage. If found guilty, he probably won't go to prison for seven years like most other people would.

Then there's David Chaytor, another member for whom we reserve an especial loathing. The Bury North MP is alleged to have dishonestly claimed £1,950 for IT expenses and further amounts of £12,925 and £5,425 to cover the costs of renting two properties. "OK, fair enough," you may think, "claiming for rental costs sounds like legitimate use of the accommodation allowance." One small problem there - it appears that the two properties were owned by Chaytor and his mother. Mr. Chaytor also faces a possible seven years, but once again we suspect nothing of the sort will actually happen.

Jim Devine's case is unusual in that he faces prosecution for none of the allegations made against him when the expenses scandal first broke, when it was alleged that he had claimed £2,157 to pay for electrical work, using an invoice with a fake VAT number and address. Instead, he is charged with false accounting - namely that he used fake invoices to claim £3,240 in cleaning expenses between 2008 and 2009, £5,505 for stationery in 2009 and £2,326 for shelving. In the last case, the invoice was later shown to have been supplied by one Tony Moran - the landlord of a pub in Mr. Chaytor's Livingstone constituency.

Last but not least in the dock is Tory peer Lord Hanningfield, who has been suspended from the Parliamentary Conservative Party and who plans to step down as shadow Transport Minister, faces an impressive six counts of false accounting including "numerous" occasions when he falsely claimed for overnight stays in London - documentary evidence shows that he was, in fact, chauffeured to his home in Essex. Lord Hanningfield received a Rural Vision award in 2009 from the Countryside Alliance (an organisation for which we have very little affection, due to their apparent inability to recognise the many country-dwellers who support the ban on hunting with dogs) in recognition for his opposition to the highly unpopular proposed second runway at Stansted Airport and the closure of rural post offices; which, the Alliance claimed, demonstrates that he is a politician with the countryside's future at heart. If found guilty, it will be plain that his own wealth is actually the issue closest to his heart, as has been confirmed of most politicians in the wake of the scandal.

So what is likely to happen to this motley crew of reprobates? Seven years in prison is so unlikely as to be laughable (though in no way as laughable as seeing the whole lot of 'em locked up would be). I doubt we'll be seeing them cleaning up the dog crap and discarded syringes in their local parks, either, as we were hoping would be George Osborne's punishment were he found guilty of his own dubious expenses claims. The original and widespread furore that surrounded the whole debacle when it was first outed by the Daily Telegraph died during the Parliamentary summer recess, when a large percentage of the Great British Public decided to concern themselves with the X-Factor/Pop Idol instead and the baying for MP's blood has diminished to a whisper. Will they even be forced to pay back the money - which, despite the high sums, is unlikely to be the punishment it would be for anyone on the dole (or indeed, earning an average British salary) caught fiddling their benefits since all four are independently wealthy men who will not be forced into a life of drudgery as they try desperately to meet the repayments every month. Slaps on the wrists all round, before they shuffle quietly off to high-paying jobs on the lecture circuit/in finance?

Could it be there really is one law for the poor and another law for the rich and powerful? We shall soon know once and for all.

MPs may face criminal investigation

Following today's publication of MPs' expenses - albeit in heavily rededacted form - Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson has suggested that there is a chance of some MPs and peers being called upon to answer questions related to possible criminal activity.

Detectives and Crown Prosecution Service officers are known to be examining details of claims submitted by a small number of MPs and in some cases this may bring about allegations of fraud. It is believed that those known to have made doubtable claims involving mortgage payments - such as Elliot Morley who put irregularities down to oversight and maintains his innocence - have been under suspicion for some time, though police have made it clear that there will be no prosecution unless deliberate wrong-doing can be proved.

Those bars could be in front of Elliot Morley before too long.

According to The Guardian, Manzila Pola Uddin - the Bangladeshi-born Baroness of Bethnal Green - could also face questions after it was alleged that she declared an uninhabited flat in Maidstone to be her main residence - an action that, if true, would have made her eligible to claim expenses to cover the costs of her London home.

David Chaytor, the MP for Lancashire's Bury North, claims that like Mr. Morley he had not realised his mortgage had been paid off and as a result continued claiming. Though he was subsequently suspended from the parliamentary Labour party and Mr. Morley resigned from the Cabinet, both could face police enquiries. Likewise Jim Devine, who has been deselected following allegations that he submitted a false receipt - including fake name, address and VAT number of a mysterious electrician who has since died, thus very conveniently allowing Mr. Devine to escape having to produce him to prove he actually ever existed - to enable himself to claim £2157 for some rewiring work may also have to give some answers.

If one or more MPs are imprisoned as a result of their dodgy dealings, who fancies putting in an application for a Visiting Order? Acid Rabbi will even buy you a pint afterwards. E-mail us if you're up for it!

Morley updates

Ooh, he's in deep shit, isn't he? Morley has not yet had his whip withdrawn, which would signal his permanent expulsion from the Labour party, but chief whip Nick Brown has stated that if the Scunthorpe MP cannot clear his own name he's out. He has also been sacked from his position as the Prime Minister's climate envoy, though currently he holds on to the chairmanship of the energy and climate select committee. His case will be reviewed by the National Executive Committee this coming Tuesday - supposing he hasn't committed hara-kiri and resigned by then.

Morley suspended from Labour Party after expenses row

Elliot Morley - the Scunthorpe scumbag MP who "forgot" to inform the Commons that his mortgage had been paid off, netting himself a cool £16,000 in the process as Acid Rabbi reported earlier today - has been suspended from the Labour Party. He is the second MP to relinquish his position, following Conservative Andrew MacKay's decision to resign as Parliamentary aide to David Cameron due to an "unacceptable" expenses claim.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, announcing the decision to suspend the Member during the launch of his party's European Election campaign, said that, "where there is irregularity now it has got to be dealt with immediately. Where standards have been transgressed and the evidence has been shown to be there, action has got to be taken," adding that he had made the decision due to the serious nature of the incident. He also stated that, "Where disciplinary action is necessary, it will and will immediately be taken."

So...who did put the cunt into Scunthorpe? We still don't know - but we know who took him out.

Who put the Cunt into Scunthorpe?

Elliot Morley, Labour MP for Scunthorpe, is the latest politician to bolt the door after the horse has been frightened away by the Daily Telegraph in admitting that he claimed a total of £16,000 expenses to cover the mortgage on a property in the town even though he'd already paid it off. Morley continued claiming £800 per month for nearly 18 months after the mortage was paid on 1st March 2006, later changing his designated second home to one in London in November 2007, which he had previously declared to be his main residence and which he had been renting out to another MP.

For four months after the change, he claimed full mortgage interest on the London property while the MP who had been renting it from him - Ian Cawsey, Labour vice-chairman and MP for Brigg and Goole - claimed the same property as his own second home and claimed £1000 per month in rent expenses, which was then paid to...you guessed it: Mr. Morley. An extra £1800 on top of your £64K + a year salary? Very nice.

Elliot Morley MP - "forgot" to mention his mortage was paid off, netting
him £800 spending money a month. Image: Wikipedia, used under
terms of Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Licence.

The Torygraph claims to have seen several other instances whereby ministers and MPs put in doubtful claims related to mortgages, but seems to be saving the details to ensure their recent sales increase can be eked out for a bit longer.

The former Government whip and Agriculture Minister stated that, in his opinion, no offence has been committed. "I have reported this to the finance department and chief whip," he says. "I have made a mistake, I apologise for that and I take full responsibility. My priority was to repay and if I suffer financially as a result of that, I have only myself to blame."

Well, we all make mistakes. However, if you or I were lucky enough to get our mortgages paid for us and then conveniently forgot to inform whoever was responsible for paying it - resulting in an overpayment of £16,000 that we then kept quiet about for two years - what do you think would happen? Yep, that's right - we'd be done for fraud; because ignorance - be it real ignorance or bullshit ignorance used as an excuse to get out of trouble (not that we're claiming anyone told a fib, you understand) is no defence in law. The Telegraph carries a quote from lawyer Steven Barker, who specialises in similar fraud cases. "The Fraud Act was designed to deal with these types of offences," he states. "There is also a possibility of an offence of false accounting under the Theft Act." Let's hope so.

Remember that old joke, "Who put the cunt into Scunthorpe?" It remains unanswered - but whoever it was, he lives in London now.