Silly Season begins!

We've had a few days of (bloody awful, in Acid Rabbi's opinion) hot weather, which once again has brought swallows, swifts and UFOs flocking to the British skies. People across the nation (and in Holland too) have been reporting squadrons of bright orange objects which defy all attempts at explanation despite the fact that the look exactly like Chinese lanterns, known to have been the cause for many a flying saucer flap in the past. The newspapers are elighted to have something other than political scandal to print now that quite a large percentage of the UK population is becoming bored with the expenses outrage.

How to start a UFO panic. You will need: paper, wire, glue, instructions on
building Chinese lanterns, several gullible witnesses.

Witnesses on Sunday night in Lincoln and Liverpool claimed they watched the UFOs fly in formation before breaking rank and flying straight upwards into space, although one Liverpool resident who is more into vaguely plausible theories than alien craft blamed a mysterious military activity which apparently took place in the Irish Sea and which involved one Naval vessel. Meanwhile, families in Huntingdon watched the lights for half an hour - Acid Rabbi spent several hours in a garden near Huntingdon on Sunday night, but saw nothing despite what he was smoking.

Mark Rosney, a member of the Merseyside Anomalies Research Organisation (who have an impressive name but nothing more than a FaceBook page online) which investigates similar sightings, claimed "Witnesses saw them travelling from south to north. If there are military aircraft in the area, they should be logged" while discounting the possibility of the lights being the result of an astronomical event such as a meteor shower. I want to believe, eh Mark matey? Another witness, who believes the secret military operation theory, said "They may have been quiet aircraft and fly at night so people don't see them. I don't think they were aliens." Well, the last part is probably right, so at least this chap (or indeed, chappess) doesn't fall for any old rubbish. The RAF would be unlikely to attach bright orange lights to anything they don't want people to see, though.

Over in Oxfordshire, the first major crop circle of the year has appeared in a field, causing around £600 of damage with more likely to arise from fans trampling all over the place. Earlier versions of the story put the figure at £600,000 - which the landowner quickly corrected in case anyone thought they were growing cocaine, since that'd be a hell of a lot of wheat. The phenomenon, which resembles a jellyfish, is 250 metres long and may have been caused by hippies. Could it be that the Summer of 2009 will see the news full of similar stories? It's been a while, after all.

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