Following extensive inquiries, police believe they are close to a breakthrough in their investigation into Who Ate All The Pies? But who paid for them? Guess.
Image derived from one at Wikipedia, used in accordance with GNU Free Documentation License.
Naturally, we assumed we would find impressive levels of corpulence, which would have given us a prime opportunity to be lazy and concoct a funny-yet-cheap-and-easy story based upon their supposed gluttony. However, it is with some disappointment that we are forced to announce that a mere nine of them can be described as even remotely chubby. Just nine - that's less than 30%. What's more, one of them is Charles Clarke so no revelations there.
Bugger, we thought, looks like we'll have to pull our fingers out and come up with something a bit less puerile.
But then a worrying thought hit us - could it be...surely not...have they got us paying for Weight-Watchers as well?
MPs who claimed the £400 (fatties appear in red): Graham Allen, David Amess, Ian Austin, Joe Benton, Peter Bone, Nick Brown, Christopher Chope, Michael Clapham, Charles Clarke, Bill Etherington, Julia Goldsworthy, Robert Goodwill, Nia Griffith, Andrew Gwynne, Dai Harvard, John Hemming, Kim Howells, Eric Illsley, Martyn Jones, Gerald Kaufman, Angus MacNeil, John McFall, Chris McCafferty, Edward O'Hara, Ian Paisley, John Smith (the living one, obviously), Ian Stewart, Graham Stringer, Gerry Sutcliffe, Paddy Tipping, Robert Wareing and Phil Woolas.